Broken Glass

So yesterday marked the first day of Spring yet its still cold.

I leave for my mini vacation on Saturday. I'm flying to Israel. Its not a vacation, so much as my cousin's wedding (she is like a sister to me after all). I am also spending the weekend at my grandparents home. My mother is there now, caring for my sick grandmother, and it will be nice to spend time with the two. It may be the last time I see my safta (granny) since she is dying of cancer.

It's kind of scary considering that the same exact plane that I am leaving on had its engine shatter right before take off on Tuesday.. on the same run- way, going to the same location. That would freak anyone out I would say.

Ive been on Birth control pills for a few days now, and no side effects yet. I have very little appetite (which is alway good).I was a little emotional on Tuesday, but that kind of subsided now. I'm also on the south beach diet- day 9. I do feel as though I have lost some weight. That's always a good thing .

I have not packed yet. My house was in a disarray last night. As I was picking up sh*t from the floor of my living room, I noticed that my dear, dear, husband was throwing papers on the floor that he had just printed. I became upset with this- seeing as though I was trying to organize the house, and told him that he shouldn't throw things on the floor. He went blazing mad, as if I just called his sister a hooker, and proceeded to fling a glass mug with dry coffee grinds on the floor besides me ( not on me- because he wouldn't do that. Not yet anyway- our marriage is still young). As I stood there surrounded by broken glass and coffee grinds everywhere, I decided to walk away.

The man is nuts.

Granted, he was stressed out because of a big project that he was doing for a mid- term. But to fling a cup in the air is never a rational thing to do. He stood there, with his shirt all stained and body all a- huff and started screaming. I walked away and told him I was NOT cleaning that mess up.

I awoke today to a clean floor. That actually surprised me since he is definitely the type to have left it there in spite. But I figure he thinks that since I am going to be away for a week, I wont care enough to pick it up. I would have left it there to tell you the truth. Then you would have had to have cleaned it up.

He's not a bad guy. I don't blame him for his actions. My husband grew up in a house where breaking things was a way to vent, and accepted. But didn't we all come from some sort of home with dysfunctional traits? I did. I went to therapy to get that out of my system.

My husband has absolutely changed. He was worse at one point, but the breaking objects only happens about twice a year now. Not too bad. He does not get as angry these days because I learnt what buttons not to press anymore- that combined with being away from the family that accepts and tolerates that behavior.

My children will NOT grow up in a house like that. It will not happen. I will not go through all this IVF process and not try to shelter them from abusive and dysfunctional behavior around them. I mean, I will probably do everything for my children, and they will one day turn around and say that they hate me. That's inevitable. But the least I could do is attempt to have a harmonious home.

I need this trip.