You are 3 months old

Disclaimer:Ok, I know I am a little late. I have seen many other's writing letters to their baby's on their blogs each month, and for some reason it didn't occur to me to do so. All though they will be 4 months old next week, I will still write about their 3rd month in the world.


Dear Neve & Soleil,

You are 3 months old! I wish I could say time has flown since your birth, but it hasn't. We have all been through so much the past 3 months. You came way too early. I was scared. i am still scared. I wish I could have kept you inside of me longer, but you and GD had other plans. Your arrival was quick and I was asleep. When I awoke they wouldn't let me see you for over 24 hours. My heart broke. When I did see you, you were in isolates with breathing devices, tubes and an eye mask for the Billie lights. My heart continued to break. i cried. But not out of "Look, these are my babies. The ones that I have longed for so long". No. I cried because you were so small and fragile and I couldn't do anything to help you. In order to hold you, the nurses would have to take you out and disconnect all the tubes. And even after that, I couldn't really see your face. Who did you look like? What were you thinking? Did you know I was there every single day. No matter how I felt, or how far the hospital was. I was there. I would hold you, feed you, love you. I sang to you. Do you remember that?
When I returned home, you were not with me. I felt like I wasn't a mother. Like everything I had been through the past few months was a dream. All I had was an empty nursery. No cribs. No furniture. Just an empty lavender room. I painted it lavender when we surprisingly found out you were two girls. A good surprise. Sisters. Something i never had.

When they told me I could take one of you home, I was happy but sad. I couldn't really feel settled until both my girls were home. I couldn't run to the hospital two times a day because I had a baby at home. I have never felt guiltier. Did she know I wasn't there twice a day? That I could only make it in at night with Daddy?

But then you were both home. I said goodbye to my sleep as we settled into a routine. It was very hard. It was two against one (when daddy was at work) but I managed.

I still worry that I don't give you both equal time and attention. It worries me. But there are two little girls and only one mommy.

You started smiling this month. A REAL smile. Not the gassy kind. Its a smile in response to me.

Yesterday I came home from a long day at work and you were both in your swings. You were swinging away.
I bent down to greet you. You looked at me, and gave me the biggest smile! It was amazing. there is nothing better in the world than your smiles.

You now weigh 12 pounds each
You are wearing size 2 diapers as of this month
You outgrew your 0-3 month clothing, so mommy has to buy more clothes (which she loves to do)
You are drinking 5 ounces
You are smiling
You follow me with your gaze when I walk across the room
You sleep well at night (knock on wood b"e"h).

I do not dress you alike! I refuse for you to be one of those twins (sorry for those who do dress their twins alike!)You are individuals and I treat you that way.

Our nighttime ritual:

We change your diapers, close the light in your bedroom, turn on the princess shaped night light, get your bottles, and feed you in the dark. You eat, grow tired and usually fall asleep. You wake up only to eat.

Neve:
You are my smiley baby! But you are also VERY VERY SUSPICIOUS. You stare at people like they have a hidden agenda. When you sleep and then awaken, you only open one eye- so that we wont know your awake. You want to know whats going on. You don't like to be held too much. You are very independent and don't like to be cuddled. You self soothe. You love your crib and love to swing. You only really cry if something is bothering you. You look very laid back so my friend says your very "California".You have started "talking" to us this month. You say "ay" a lot and like to interact with us- on your terms. You also enjoy talking to us from your crib at around 3am every night. We rush to give you a pacifier so that your late night gab session doesn't wake up your sister.
You look like your father- there is no mistaking that.




It's funny how you are darker skinned than me- I mean, you did come out of me. You have beautiful large eyes- that are not like your fathers or mine. You have a lot of hair on your head- and its straight in the front, so I like to spike it up. You look like a rock star that way. Your eyes are a shade of grey. Your father and I don't have light eyes, nor do your grandparents. The only person who had blue eyes was your dad's grandmother (your great grandmother)who passed away this month. You are my eldest daughter, and I love you.

Soleil:
You are a handful! You cry over just about anything. You let it be known when you awake, when you are hungry, when you are wet or when you are gassy. You are loud and in charge- much like your mommy (which is why I think daddy gravitates towards you) you like your bling bling pacifier


(Its huge but that's the only one you will take). You love to listen to music- When you cry, it calms you. You love to be cuddled. When we pick you up from your crib after a night of sleep, you curl up into a ball (which is why i relish picking you up). When you are calm you look around in amazement. You have had a lot of muscle strength in your neck and upper body since you were 34 weeks which makes it easier for you to take in your surroundings. Your eyes make it look like you have Asian ancestry, but you don't (daddy worries that you may not have been conceived with his swimmers). You love it when we caress your head. You remind me of me in so many ways. You look JUST like I did as a baby, and you seem to have my personality already (I'm in for it!) You are my youngest daughter and I love you.


I love that you each have such distinct personalities. I love learning who you are every day. I love to kiss you both when I pick you up from your cribs in the morning. I love my daughters. I love our family. I am blessed.

With Unconditional Love,

Your Mommy