Where do I start?

On Saturday night I was discharged from the hospital.

Although I had waited for that moment for over a month and half- it was bittersweet. I mean, I left my daughters behind. How whole can I feel?

Physically, I am still in pain, but it gets better with each day. The pain of a c- section is pretty much the same pain of a laparoscopy as I predicted. I just know that it is harder to heal because I am so weak from bed rest.

My daughters are getting stronger with each day thank GD.

Today I was told that Neve was taken off of C-Pap ( Nasal CPAP delivers air into your airway through a specially designed nasal mask or pillows. The mask does not breathe for you; the flow of air creates enough pressure when you inhale to keep your airway open.) for 3 hours and did very well. They will gradually ween her off of that. Once she is weened off, she will no longer have the tubes stuck up her nose- then I can see her beautiful little face.

Soleil is a few days behind Neve since she had a ventilator for the first few days.

They are both eating now- through a tube that goes directly in their mouths down their tummy, but nonetheless eating. I am pumping as much as I can and have finally started producing a bit. I was told that the girls have had residuals from the formula but not from my milk- which makes me feel as though I am doing something productive for my girls. Each time they give them milk, they put a pacifier in their mouths so that they will associate sucking with their tummies being full. How ingenious?

Originally I was told that Soleil had some sort of flap that was open between her heart and lung- which worried me to death (they said it was normal in preemies) and so they gave her medication for a few days. On Saturday morning I was told that they did a echocardio exam and it seems to have closed.

They both still have jaundice and are constantly under the lights with their little glasses. The normal number is 6 and under- and they both have 9's (better than the 11's they had a few days ago)

I have such a strong love for them- its unbelievable. I remember when I was told that I was pregnant and wondered if I were having twins (b4 it was confirmed). I asked myself how I would be able to love two children at once without sacrificing attention to both. A blog friend (you know who you are) said that it would be simple. That I would love them both unconditionally, and they would love me back tenfold. I now know what you meant.

I still look pregnant- instead of looking 8 months pg, I now look 5. How long will it take for the stomach to go down- I wonder?

Meanwhile- on the home front, my house looks like it exploded. My husband isn't working Thursday and Friday so we will have time to hang curtains etc (of course I will just sit down and tell him where things go). Its exciting to be able to organize my new home and their room. I cant wait to bring them home. On Saturday night right before I left to go home, we went by the NICU and we saw a couple finally taking home their baby - everyone was crying, and hugging- and I cant wait for that to be us. The nurses there genuinely care for these children. I know the girls are in good hands which makes me feel good.

On Sunday we went with my mother to the nicu and she finally held one of her grandchildren- soleil. Neve couldn't be taken out because I was told her temperature was a little low. So we took pictures.

You know what I noticed? Neve who was so active in the womb- is so active outside the womb as well! She move her arms and legs around- exercising her little limbs, while Soleil who wasn't as active is pretty much not as active. I find that interesting.

So here are some pictures below from our trip today.

Grandma, Mommy, Daddy:

Grandma holding Soleil:



Soleil sleeping:

Neve (my husband says she looks like a fighter pilot with the glasses and the tubes): She couldnt be held today so she was sleeping inside-