I had quite the nervous breakdown today coming home from my first day back at work. On Sunday night, me and my husband each took one girl and had her the whole night. The problem was, my daughter only slept one hour. Which meant, I went to work on one hour's sleep. I had never been more exhausted in my life. My head was pounding and my body started to shake. On the train on my way back home I just broke down and started crying- in front of everyone... I didn’t care. The lack of sleep is simply taking its toll. There's no way around that. None.
I called my husband from the subway and he came to pick me up from the station. My mom was still at my house watching my girls. She had let my husband sleep in a bit when he got home from work. When I stepped foot into my house, I just lost it. I started bawling uncontrollably. My head was killing, I felt sick to my stomach... My mom said that she would sleep over and help us out tonight. I slept for 4 hours, and then got up at 11pm. My husband was supposed to be on duty until 12 and then wake my mom up (she had only slept for 2 hours). I told him to head to bed, while I took care of the girls until 3 am- that is when I am going to wake my mom up. She really has been great with this entire thing.
But the thing is, we cannot both work full time, and have no sleep. It just does not work. We will try to get my husband's 20 yr old sister to come from Israel for 2 months to help us out at night- and pay her. Not sure if she will come, since she just recently got her first boyfriend- and no one wants to leave their first loves. If she doesn’t, we are pretty screwed bec we can’t actually afford an agency night nurse and pay my mom.... I am at a loss for words. I do not want to quit my job- its at my dream company. Granted, I am only the assistant to the VP, but she is super cool and always looks to promote her assistants. So even if I go to work and use my entire paycheck to pay for nannies.. I refuse to quit my job. I loved being among adults today. To have conversations, to get dressed up.... to leave the vomit stained shirts behind. I love my girls, but I also need to get out of the house...
My girls also seem to have their days and nights mixed up. They sleep wonderfully during the day and are daemons at night. We tried to get them on the same schedule, waking one up when her sister wants to feed- but the sleepy one refuses to eat or open her eyes when we try.... I am not sure what we are doing or what we will do. Today at work, I ran into a co-worker who had her son in October. We were both the office pregnant ladies. She gave me a big hug when she saw me.... and her son is now 4 months old. She said he has been sleeping through the night for 2 months now... Will my girls ever sleep through the night? it feels like its so far away. It feels long overdue since they are technically just about 3 months old... although because they were born at 10 week are pretty much like 2 weekers.
I am rambling, I know. I am just so tired.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
help
Posted by Gemini Girl at 1:39 AM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
11 comments:
I think that is the hardest part...they are 3 mos old but their adjusted age is only 2 weeks. They physically can't sleep through the night because they are so young. If it helps my sons started sleeping through the night at 4 mos (2 mos adjusted age). I didn't go back to work so I can't help you in that dept. Will they sleep in a bouncy/swing at night, something that moves and vibrates. I know that trying to keep them awake for longer periods of time is easier said than done. Is there any way you can take a little more time off? I really think they just need some more time, in 6 weeks I bet their be much better. Of course it's hard to stop life for 6 weeks. Good luck, we're here for you!
Sleep or the lack there of is the worst thing.
Some babies sleep better than others. Some babies sleep weeks after birth while it seems some don't sleep well until they are 3 and 4 years old. not to discourage you...but also to keep it real. I would hate for you to get your hopes up that 2 or 3 or even 4 months is the MIRACLE age and suddenly things will change. They may, they may not.
Your mom sounds like a God send.
I am so hoping that things get better for you. (You're not making me feel optimistic about my own return to work!) Just try to take things one day at a time. Good luck!
That does not sound like fun! I hope you find a little extra sleep somewhere (or a break, or something)!
it does get better. There were many nights that I was up all night with one or both of the kids. They were 31 week preemies and are now 31?2 months old. They are just starting to sleep through the night.
We generally give them a bottle that is extra thick. I mix breastmilk and formula and give them a bottle before putting them in their crib. Also, a nice warm bath before bed seems to help sometimes too.
I know it's hard, but it is so worth it the first time they smile at you.
Since I don't have twins, I won't even try to tackle this with advice, but please know that I hope it gets better ASAP!!
Honey I'm so sorry! I know how hard it is, and I wish I could just come there and help you! There is nothing that is worse than lack of sleep. I'm not sure if you addressed this before, but is there anyway you can take a little more time off before going back? Even another month? If you can't afford it, I totally understand. I just know how hard it is. And there were many days I just stayed home and cried.
If it's not possible for you, see if you can get your SIL to help, and just take it one day at a time. It does get better, your girls will STTN eventually.
Just sending out so many hugs to you!
I forgot what time you are both home so this might not be possible but just some assvice from another mom of premie twins...
We started a routine VERY early in their lives (but it's never too late)...it is like clockwork. Every night at 7:00, it is bath time. Then at 7:30 it is time to go upstairs to their room. My husband and I each have a rocking recliner and we each take a baby (we get the same one every night) and feed them their last bottle. It took about a month for them to know what was going on...now they start getting fussy if we wait any time past 7:00 to get the routine going. Total creatures of habit. Getting into this routine has allowed me to have some "me" time from about 7:45 on each night and, let me tell you, that is a lifesaver. I do practically the same thing each night...put them to bed, wash the bottles from the day, prepare formula, clothes and the diaper bag for the next day and then it's veg-out time for ME. So, I am a HUGE believer in routines and the sanity they can provide.
As the others have said, some babies are sleepers and some are not. I have one of each though both babies blessed me with a full night's sleep last night (first time in months), so it does happen.
Oh, and one other thing. The other thing that worked for me with my crier (Landry) is I finally gave in and brought her to our bed. I'll only do it if she wakes up in the wee hours of the morning. I said I'd never do it but if I get sleep and am a functional person, I'm doing it.
I don't know what to tell you about work and being tired though because it is tough and the worst thing is when other people there complain about how tired they are...I just want to strangle them. There have been several times I have almost fallen asleep at the wheel on my way to and from work. Not good. But, like you, I need to get out and my boss recently gave me pretty much everything I could ask for.
Time will make things better, I promise. These days will be a blur to you. I go back and read my blog from the first months and wonder how in the world I got out of that alive!!! It doesn't happen overnight, it is very gradual. But, you will get there.
I can't catch up on reading your blog right now but will do so later. Wanted to stop in to thank you for the perspective on my house hunt --- you're so right.... at least we'll be a family... material things are so trivial.
Thank you!
Anns
Hugs, Maya. I don't have any sound suggestions to give you, but I do feel your pain. Does it help to know that I am going through the same thing (minus the work part) and you are not alone? Probably not, but it always helps me to know that others have been there and survived, so I can, too.
I'm so sorry. I have no suggestions but I will hope that it gets better.
Post a Comment