It has been 1 week since my water broke.
I felt such terror that night. But my girls are still inside, swimming away.
I always thought that once your water breaks- thats it. Turns out, that is the situation in most cases, so I know that someone is watching over us. I know my husband's mother, and my grandmother are buying us time. I just know it.
My doctors keep hoping that I get to the 32 weeks mark, but who knows what might happen. I am feeling less anxious since I hit the 30 week mark- only because I am no longer in the 20's- yet still pray to get to 32.
32 weeks is 12 days away. I wonder what will happen.
I have been thinking a lot about the c-section and am scared. I know that I would much rather go through with one than natural childbirth. I mean, I have had 3 laparoscopies so I kind of know the healing process by now. I don't think the fright hit me until I had a conversation with the anesthesiologists the night my water broke (when they thought I might deliver).. they said to expect feeling cold and shaking, quick heart rates, etc.... I think I would have been better off not knowing. The only thing that I do know is that once I have it done, then most of my fears can be put to rest. I know that it means that I will soon be out of the hospital and that my daughters are here- but even once they are out the fear begins (not knowing is they are healthy or not) until the doctors give me a report.
One of my doctors came in today- she is in the practice but I had not seen her during my hospital stay because she was on maternity leave. I like her she is really very nice and gentle. She said that statistically speaking, most women go into labor a week after their water breaks. i told her I don't like hearing that. She then said "Well, statistically speaking a women who goes into pre-term labor with twins at 25 weeks should have delivered by now "- so not to go by statistics. I mean, every case is different, and I know that medical science cant explain many things or the workings of GD. So I pretty much place my faith in him.
The doctor also said that everyone is glad that I have reached 30 weeks... when most believed I wouldn't.
They bring the sono machine to me every day to check fluid in Baby A (Neve) and to see their in-utero movements. Yesterday the doctor showed me that she was hiccuping even though I didn't feel it. He said that their movement is good and that the fluid in neve is fine for now but that its constantly changing (every time I move,or she pees etc). I only get up to the bathroom if I have to go *badly* otherwise I go in a bedpan. Every time I get up fluid seeps out- gotta love gravity, so I only get up once a day. I cant shower, so my husband brings me soap, a bucket and towels and he washes me. He even cut my toenails, filed them and lotioned my feet. he even helped me shave down there.I guess that truly is love.
did I mention that a friend from work had purchased two car seats and a bouncer that I registered for? That is a lot of money! I cant believe she did that!
My husband took pictures of me two nights ago to document this time. I took one look at myself and was in extreme shock. I am HUGEEEEEEEEEEEE. I'm not just talking baby, I am talking face as well- not to mention my whole face looks so different as well. I look swollen and unrecognizable.
As I was on my computer last night I showed my nurse (one who I love) a pre-preg picture and she didnt believe that was me. I was offended! It did kind of hurt, but I do know that this is all for my babies- I am just hoping to be able to get back to my normal self. So- I will now share my pre-preggo pics and what I look like now- don't be frightened!
My tummy looks like a cat clawed me all over. I am glad I have them- since they have only formed since I got here- which means my girls have gotten alot larger since I first got here.
9 comments:
Maya, you are a beautiful girl, stretch marks and all, and you truly don't look *THAT* different. Yes, you're pregnant, but I can still tell it's you, lol. So glad to hear the good news...YAY for making into the 30s!!
You look great, before and now! So glad to hear that everyone is still safely tucked away. I know that you will still worry no matter what I say, but the c-section really isn't bad. The epidural was what made me shaky and jittery, but mostly it just felt like I was cold. It was like I was cold and couldn't stop shivering. But I didn't feel like I was out of control or had a speeded up heart rate. Really, it wasn't bad at all. Plus, all I kept thinking was "Oh my god. They are getting my babies out of my belly!" and that's all I could focus on. It goes quicker than you can even imagine! Hang in there mama, and you little girls too!
Honey you look GREAT ! You look like a MILLION bucks and I'm not just saying that because frankly you are in NO position to kick my ass if I said something mean.
You really look good.
I too got the stretch marks a WEEK before I had the boys. I was PISSED. I felt like I had made it and then BOOM.
I am not going to lie and be all happy that they are "war" wounds and every time I look at them I think...OH how wonderful that I had 2 babies at one time which stretched my stomach out and am now left with this deflated balloon look. NO. I hate it. I wish that my stomach looked like it did after my daughter. :) There I said it. TOTALLY going against the grain right.
You are going to do FANTASTIC. You have nothing to compare this with so it's all a new experience for you.
You made it in to your 30's girl. I will laugh when you are 34 weeks writing to tell us that they are sending you home. :)
It's worth saying out loud !! ha ha
Shut up!! You look exactly the same!!! Man I looked like a whaleface and I had ONE kid in there! P.S. you are super pretty so the kids will be amazing looking!
You look great and SOOOOO young!
I have incredible stretch marks & when my daughter was little she used to ask me why. I told her that they're marks that I got when she was growing inside me and that every time I see them it reminds me how happy that was for me. She's 14 now & she still, whenever she sees them (I'm pregnant again, so she sees my bare belly) she says, "right, they remind you of me?"
I think you look great.
Your face looks totally the same, I don't know what you're talking about. (Although I say the same thing about myself- I feel like my face really filled out, but everyone else claims that they don't know what I'm talking about!)
One of my friends was telling me how her epidural made her vomit and feel absolutely terrible... I was like- ummmm great another thing for me to worry about! Hopefully when we get to that point though we'll be so excited to meet our babies that it won't matter!
Hang in there!
Forget about statistics, now and forever. Every parenting book I picked up had statistics, and they were all wrong for me, thankfully!
You look wonderful!! My feet, hands, head, neck, arms - all balloons! It was gross, but I did get back to basic pre-pregnancy size. It took about four months. I'm not that size anymore, but that was fifteen years ago, so. After a while you just can't stop the aging process...
I wasn't scared of the C-section until right up until I was about to deliver, and it is all memory now. Yes, it is a bit intense there for a little bit, but then you have two miraculous new lives to tend to, and you forget all about it (well, for me that happened once the stitches were out...).
I think you'll get past thirty-two weeks, I just do. You are working hard and it's not easy, but hang in there!!
I totally agree with everyone - you look maaaavoulous!!! I could have totally picked you out - you don't look that different!
Of course, with hospital lighting, what can one expect? :)
Glad to see things are going along so well. I sure hope everything is starting to get less nerve-wracking for you.
Thinking of you often!
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