My cousin B is one of my best friends in the whole world.
Me and B are VERY much alike.
Our dad's are brothers and are very close, but my family has never been particularly close with my dad's side. Most of his siblings (and he has 9) are cold and gossipy, but B's dad is amazing.
Anyway, when we were kids- I never liked her. She was not my cup of tea. Meanwhile, we were only 8 days apart in age (she too is a Gemini girl). We always joke about our parents having sex on the same day to conceive (although we are a but sick to even think about our parents having sex).
One summer when I was 13 while I was vacationing with my mother and brother in Israel, B's family happen to be in NY visiting. So we pretty much missed one another (B lives in Israel).
Her family returned home while we were still on vacation, and so my mother FORCED me to go sleep over her house (she said I had to since they were just in our home). Begrudgingly I went.
Another reason I didn't want to go was because I was hanging out with my other cousin and his best friend (my husband). And since I was crushing insanely on my husband then, I didn't want to be removed from his vicinity (little did I know that he knew I liked him and was so NOT into me).
So I arrived at her home and we just started talking. And talking. And the talking.
We were so alike! We just hit it off!
The topic of discussion: My husband and my INSANE crush on him (which is why she was so happy when we ended up together). So pretty much, we bonded over my husband and Take That. We must never forget Take That.
Long story short- we have been the best of friends ever since. We just have the same humor. We laugh ALL THE TIME. What makes it even better is that we're family.
Now let me tell you something about B.
The girl is out of her mind.
She never does anything by the book.
She even changed her name- but I refuse to call her by her new name. Ever.
Last year she got married, and I flew to her wedding alone (my husband was in school). This was a month b4 my retrieval. I had to be there for her (as she was for me) on her big day. I LOVE her husband- they are just perfect for one another.
So my issue with her is this:
The girl NEVER calls me when I am home (in the US). I can call her many times , and she NEVER answers the phone, nor does she get back to me. That is her thing.
You know how pissed off that makes me? I mean when I was laying in the hospital on bedrest- I called her a few times with no answer (of course). I just wanted to talk to her. I left her a long ans nasty voicemail about what I was going through and her lack of friendship. Once she heard the message, she called me right back. She said she was going through a tough time, and didn't know I was in the hospital. Whatever.
She calls sporadically, like once every 4-6 months.
She did send me a nice gift for the girls though.
I digress... anyway, when I am in Israel the girl STALKS me.
This is no joke.
She calls me like 15 times a day, and wants to see me all the time. She offers to come pick me up and drop me back (an hour each way).. and never lets me pay for ANYTHING.
So that is why she confuses me.
My husband says he doesn't get why I am still friend s with her.
But you know what? I mean if this is who she is.. I cant change her. And its not like she doesn't make an effort when I am close to her.
I'm writing about her now bec she just left em one of her classic voicemail messages about being sorry that she hasn't called bec she has been going through a "tough time". Apparently her tough time excuse is getting old.
She started crying into the phone (again, I tell you she's crazy) and says how much she misses me and wants to see me, and to finally meet the girls. Of course, I called her back an hour later and she didn't pick up her phone. Classic.
Anyway- so you think I should keep putting her actions aside? Or should I just tell her that if she wants to be Friends with me, she needs to be in contact more often?
4 comments:
If you accept her for who she is then it shouldn't matter if you never hook up over the phone.
Sometimes those are my best friends...the ones you never see and never talk to but the SECOND you get together it's like old times.
I can't wait to hear the fun stories you have when you go to Isreal.
You know her, and you love her, and most of all you can't change her. To be her friend is like this.
I have EXACTLY this same friendship with a chic I met in Kindergarten. She was in my wedding, but damned if she will return my phone calls. It is just the way it is, and I love her anyway.
Stick with her - there is nooooo loss in choosing this route, but there is a BIG potential loss if you give her an ultimatum. My Momma always says "never give someone an ultimatum if you cannot live with their decision not to do what you want.". I think you would die if after you are living in Israel she doesn't stalk you again. :)
I don't know...it's so great to have family that you really click with but I totally understand how annoying the non-communication can be. I had a friend like that (yep, had). We were such great friends, like sisters, until she had her baby. She said she could never talk on the phone b/c she was too busy with her newborn...but this continued for about three years. I was terrified b/c I thought how horribly motherhood was going to be if you couldn't even pick up the phone for a quick call to a pal. I often think of her now when I call my girlfriends with not one but two babies at home...you can definitely find the time if you want to. I also have a beef with her b/c I threw her a baby shower and she didn't even have the kindness to RSVP to mine, much less even send a card, which was pretty much the last straw of our friendship. Oh well.
Then again, some people are just weird when it comes to the phone!!
Like you said you can't change her but you can change your expectations of her. Just remind yourself that this is who she is and it has nothing to do with your friendship. If you love spending time with her then that's all that matters. Once you accept her for who she is, the other stuff won't get to you. It's just hard to do, I know.
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