Angel

Thank you all for all your well wishes.

The past few days have been tough but life goes on, it has to.

On Monday morning as I was getting ready for work I got the call. My father never calls me at 7am. I knew.

So I didn't go to work.

It's really difficult to mourn a loss when you cant be around your family. It's like if I was around them, then we could all grieve together. But being so far away, I don't know how to mourn her loss.

My husband also took it hard since he loved my grandmother. He knew her since he was a child, and when we got together she was so happy. She always said that I should marry him because he would treat me well. She said that he and my grandfather are similar- that they both lost their mother's as children (my hubby and grandfather) and because of this they appreciate their wives.

She was right.

My grandfather is very distraught because not only did he lose his best friend and wife, he also lost his surrogate mother ( that's how he felt about her). My mother is telling him to come to the US with her, so that in January we may have a celebration (babies). If one of them is a boy, then we will have a circumcision, and he will be the one to have the honor of holding the baby. That made him happy. This will be his first great grandchild. Maybe that can get his mind off of things for a little while. I will be off on maternity leave then as well, so I can spend time with him.

Last night I cried so much and held on to my husband. I am so afraid to lose him. My grandmother's death is my first loss. I should be thankful that I have gotten to the age of 26 without having death touch my life. My husband has been surrounded by death from such a young age. First his mother, then uncle, then 25 year old cousin, then aunt, then grandmother. All people he truly loved. So not much affects him. Nothing makes him cry. It felt nice to know that he really loved my grandmother and her loss affected him.

So that's it for now.

I am getting bigger by the day and I cannot wait for next week when I am officially 3 months in. I still wont go announcing it to the world, but I will be less hesitant to answer if someone asks me.